Couples - Conflicts - Relationship Crises

3 recommendations

How to get a relationship dispute under control

Relationship researchers have found that 69% of recurring arguments in relationships are never resolved. This is true regardless of how long a couple has been together.

Many couples feel the same way. Their relationship conflicts and arguments hardly change.

In other words, what might anger you now might still bother you 10 years from now. Yet we often hear that we just need to work on our communication and everything will be better.

Is that correct?

How dialogue can help you get issues under control

In dialogue, couples ask each other questions. Instead of clashing and trying to convince the other of their own truth, couples try to listen to each other in conversation.

They ask open questions and thus learn about the needs behind the viewpoints, order and disorder.

For example, one partner may have a need for security. This security is created through order and control. While others, on the other hand, seek and need freedom, and thus disorder is an important basic state for them.

The trick is to ask yourself open questions.

Open questions are questions that can't be answered immediately with a yes or no. They're questions that your counterpart has to think about before they can answer.

Examples of open questions are:

“What happened at work today?”

“Which book or film touched you the most?”

3 recommendations that can help you in a dispute:

There are 3 things you can do if you notice that you are starting to argue with each other.

· Ask open questions

· Listen to

Of course, our own opinions are constantly on our minds during an argument. This makes listening in conflict situations very difficult. We just wait for a second's pause so we can say "yes, but."

Listening means turning off that inner voice.

It's not about your own point of view.

It's about listening to and understanding your partner's point of view and needs.

This does not mean that you have to agree with what you hear and understand.

· Ask for

Asking questions is a communication tool you can use to build closeness and trust. You ask questions to understand what is meant.

Only when you can summarize what you have heard in a way that your partner is satisfied with will you have succeeded in creating the basis for a dialogue.

When listening and asking questions, it's important not to introduce your own solution into the discussion. Your point of view is only welcome when you are asked for it.

Try it out!

Try asking an open question in a quiet environment.

Wait for the answer.

Listen for at least 2 minutes.

Ask if you don’t understand something.

Don't try to impose your own truth, your own perspective.

Wait until you feel your partner is ready.

Now it's your partner's turn. Switch roles. How does it feel for you now?